It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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