I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
