dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
