I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
