Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
