I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
