So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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