Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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