I wish I could teleport
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize