just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
A+ Viking dick
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
