I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
