I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
