Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
