My room smells like vodka and shame
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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