I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize