Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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