After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
