Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We left the knife in your bed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
