Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
