Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
