Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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