i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
