You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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