If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
