I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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