I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
