my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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