road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
