Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize