Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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