Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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