So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
