how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
MIDGETS
????
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize