new low.... made out with someone while peeing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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