I got chris browned last night
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Randomize
