I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize