You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
