I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
