I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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