i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
