Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
