the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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