I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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