i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
