I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
