But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
