Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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