Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
