We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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