You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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