Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize