I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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