butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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