my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
