this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
