I think I am morally bankrupt
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
