Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just high enough for therapy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
