booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
