your room smells of hookers.
And success
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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