what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
