I got chris browned last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
