so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
