How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
