So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
