can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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